We’ve finished looking at the Apostle Paul’s advice to the Ephesians, as he gave it to his coworker Timothy, in Part 5. Now we will look at what Paul told the Ephesians in a letter he sent directly to them. In this letter Paul again instructs the church on relationships. He addresses marriage relationships, parent-child relationships, work relationships, and church relationships. His focus is on the unity to be found in Christ.
We’ll also see that the Apostle Peter writes a nearly identical message to his readers. Like Paul, Peter addresses relationships from the perspective of our redemption.
The entire book of Ephesians revolves around topics of reconciliation and unity. Paul opens by talking of the purposes of God in reconciling all things in Christ and how Christ brings unity to the Church, reconciling humanity to God. Jews and Gentiles are now spiritually joined in Him, “For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation, having abolished in His flesh the enmity, the law of commandments in ordinances, so as to create in Himself one new man from the two, thus making peace, and that He might reconcile them both to God in one body through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity” (Ephesians 2:14-16). “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3).
In Ephesians chapter 5 Paul continues this focus on unity. He tells believers to walk in love, having just instructed them to not grieve the Holy Spirit by their speech and behavior toward one another. They should be in unity with the Holy Spirit, not the world. He advises them on what their general behavior and speech should be both to one another and to the Lord. In this same vein he instructs them to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord – to submit to the Holy Spirit in each other. You cannot claim to be under the practical authority of the Holy Spirit if you refuse to submit to His gifts and ministry operating in and through your fellow believer. It is less about submitting to the person and more about submitting to the Holy Spirit in the person. This has nothing to do with positions or hierarchy, rather it is allowing Jesus to actually lead His Body in a very practical way. This is essential for true unity.
In pursuit of this unity, after addressing the relationships within the Ephesian church, Paul moves into instructions for each relationship within the Ephesian household. He tells wives to submit to their own husbands, but he specifies his meaning by explaining the basis for this instruction. Man is the source of woman, just like Christ is the source of the Church and its Savior and caretaker. The Church is Christ’s own Body, “For we are members of His Body, of His flesh and of His bones” (Eph. 5:30). Paul points back to creation, to the fact that men and women also have the same origin, the same substance. The woman is the man’s own body, according to Adam’s declaration in Genesis. She comes out of him. Paul continues his relationship instructions, telling husbands to love their wives, still persisting in this same idea of “one flesh” as the basis for it all. Paul even quotes Genesis to prove his point. Christian husbands and wives should not be at odds with one another, they should be in unity, they should be one. To this end, “each man is to love his own wife as much as he loves himself, and let a married woman see to it that she treats her husband with respect” (Eph. 5:33).
So why are women specifically called out to submit and be respectful while men are specifically called out to love and be self-sacrificing? It may be that in their sin nature women are more apt to be waspish and selfishly demanding, even manipulative when unhappy in their marriages, while men can be more distant, selfishly insensitive, and even callous. Or at least this might have been the case for the Ephesians. With a tendency to different weaknesses, the instructions to women and men have slightly different focuses. In invoking the Genesis account Paul is neither pointing to nor creating a system that places wives under the control of their husbands. Rather, he is instructing each party where to focus their efforts for the crucifixion of self, so they might effectively live their joint redeemed lives as God originally intended – as one flesh. This is in keeping with Paul’s theme of unity expressed throughout the letter. A marriage where both spouses are believers should reflect the union between Christ and His Church, the relationship that human marriage was prophetically patterned after in the beginning. The Fall undermined this unity, now the Redeemer restores it. Redeemed lives and relationships should display visible evidence of this restoration.
In chapter 6 Paul moves to the parent-child relationship, again referring back to the Old Testament as the explanation for his instructions. There is a blessing for keeping this commandment. Lastly, he addresses masters and servants. He tells servants to work honestly, as to Christ, and tells masters to be kind and fair. In whatever state you are in, you are to live there for Christ. In Christ there is no master, no slave, no Jew, no Gentile, no male, and no female (Gal. 3:28). Such distinctions are irrelevant. Distinctions all have to submit to the unity created by the Holy Spirit in Jesus Christ.
In this series, the final letter we’ll examine is one of the Apostle Peter’s. Peter essentially reiterated these same relationship instructions to husbands, wives, and servants.
The book of I Peter is a letter addressed to an array of scattered churches suffering for their faith. Peter expresses the same relationship ideals that Paul does, although Peter addresses them in a different order and from a slightly different perspective. Peter’s whole focus is on the persecuted. He offers very practical instructions to believers living in difficult circumstances, in hostile environments. Peter’s entire letter is one of encouragement directed specifically to those bearing up under unjust suffering. He first addresses Christian servants, giving specific advice and encouragement to those suffering under unbelieving masters with no way out (1 Peter 2:18-23).
Peter next encourages Christian wives living with unbelieving husbands. Based on instructions provided by Paul, we know that spouses were only advised to stay with their unbelieving partner if the partner was agreeable to it. If their partner wanted to break their vows however, the believing spouse was not obligated to try and make the marriage work (1 Cor. 7:12-16). Peter’s instructions are consistent with this. He tells wives with unbelieving husbands to live a godly life as their witness, rather than just preaching at the man. Changed behavior on the wife’s part proves their faith is actually real. By doing this, the wife’s new life would not be viewed as a threat to the husband but instead provide irrefutable evidence of God’s transformative power. The wife is no longer to be frivolous and proud, preoccupied only with money and appearance, nor is she to cultivate appeal only through finery and physical attractiveness, but she should also now cultivate a quiet and meek spirit (1 Peter 3:1-4). Such meekness is a spiritual trait, not a personality trait. It is humility.
Judging from some of his letters, the Apostle Paul probably had somewhat of a fiery personality, but he also would have cultivated this virtue of calm meekness. So would the Apostle Peter. So would every true believer. Jesus Himself is meek, and He requires it of anyone who wants to learn from Him (Matt. 11:29). Nowhere in Jesus’ teachings does He distinguish between His male and female followers, giving them different sets of instructions or different standards. Meekness does not mean doormat, nor is it only required of women.
Finally, Peter addresses Christian husbands, telling them to assign a price or value to their wife commiserate with her position as an equal, a co-inheritor of the gift of life. Given the context, it is reasonable to think Peter is still focused on believers living with unbelievers. Having addressed Christian wives married to unbelieving husbands, Peter now advises Christian husbands with unbelieving wives. This is consistent with his perspective all along. These Christian men, though they might live in a culture that gave them advantages of legal and domestic authority over their wives, were reminded that God created women as equal human beings with eternity inside them; they should be treated as such. Even if their unbelieving wives might be hard to live with at times, husbands should remain considerate. A man’s treatment of his wife should be worthy of a Christian husband whether his wife is a believer or not. To ignore this is to displease God, Who made them one, and risks hindering the effectiveness of the husband’s prayers (1 Peter 3:7). The bad witness of poor treatment will certainly hinder the effectiveness of any prayers he might offer for his wife’s salvation.
Peter both opens and closes this entire discourse by instructing believers to live before unbelievers in a way that glorifies God and does not bring shame to His name (1 Peter 2:11 –17; 1 Peter 3:8-16). In every situation, in every relationship, their lives should be their witness. Peter echoes the words of Paul, “I beg you to live in a way that is worthy of the people God has chosen to be His own” (Ephesians 4:1). Peter tells them not to return “evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). And to always live, “having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed” (1 Peter 3:16).
We have spent the past six posts examining what Scripture actually has to say about men, women, and gender roles in both marriage and the Church. But what about everything it doesn’t say? And what about the many church doctrines that say so many other things? The next, and final, post will look at some of these.
