In Part 6 we finished our study on what Scripture has to say about men, women, and gender roles in both marriage and the Church. This final post will review some of the more widely taught church doctrines defining men and women’s roles in marriage, in church assembly, and in society. Though certainly not universal in the Body of Christ, the following doctrines are popular and followed by many believers.
These are examined in no particular order.
A man is the priest and/or leader of his home.
Like each of the doctrines we’ll examine, actual application of this position varies widely among the churches who espouse it. Some give it only a token nod. These churches technically claim agreement but don’t emphasize it, and many in their congregation practice it only nominally if at all. At the other end of the spectrum are churches who consider this doctrine no less than a central tenet of the faith and the basis for all Christian marriages. It is regularly preached and enforced in their church culture.
In basic terms this doctrine dictates that a man should be the leader in his home, family, and marriage. His wife and children’s roles are to follow him. Ideally the husband and wife are in agreement on important spiritual, financial, lifestyle, etc. issues, but when faced with anything they don’t agree on, the husband’s vote is automatically the tie-breaker. His voice trumps hers. The wife is expected to accept her husband’s decision in such cases for a number of different reasons, ranging from the spiritual – “she is under his authority” – to the practical – “an effective team can only have one leader.”
Exactly how this belief is practiced in marriages, families, and churches also falls on a wide spectrum. In the strictest circles, the ideal wife does not concern herself at all with any significant spiritual, financial, or family lifestyle decisions. She is not expected to hold opinions (or at least strong ones) but to have her husband function entirely on her behalf in these important areas, choosing what is best for her and the children. This is both her duty and her “restful” right; her safety, security, and peace are found in her submission. Maintaining thoughts or opinions distinctively her own only risks subversion, discontentment, and marital disharmony. Full obedience to her husband is believed to be noble and right, separate from the actual merit of his decisions as a leader. In less conservative congregations, the emphasis when teaching this doctrine tends to be more upon the husband’s responsibilities to his wife versus just the wife’s response to her husband. But the ideal outcome remains essentially the same.
In our review of the doctrine, we are less interested in exactly where a given congregation may fall on this spectrum of application – which spouse is the primary initial focus – and more interested in determining whether the doctrine itself is flawed. In this evaluation, we’ll consider the role of priest and the role of leader separately. Although sometimes used interchangeably in this teaching, these are distinct terms and seperate functions in Scripture.
Nowhere in either the Old or New Testaments are men told to be the priests of their home or their marriage. In fact, outside of the Levitical priesthood, nowhere is any person instructed to function in a priestly role on behalf of any other person. A priest was a mediator in the Old Testament, one who stood between God and the rest of the people, both interceding for and performing spiritual service on behalf of the masses. In present day, Jesus alone is the only High Priest and Intercessor for us all. He alone represents us to the Father and He alone is the only Way to reach the Father (Heb. 4:14 – 5:6). All believers, male and female, are now the priesthood. We serve God under and through Christ our High Priest (1 Peter 2:4-10). It is false doctrine to consider any human being a priest on behalf of anyone else in the New Covenant, including men functioning as priests/spiritual mediators for their wives and children.
To the second point, are men the designated leaders of their family? Spiritual or otherwise? To answer this requires that we first establish a definition of exactly what is meant by “leader” in this context. Jesus, the ultimate example of a leader acceptable to God, said, “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:43-45). The picture of Jesus in Scripture is not that of a boss but of a shepherd giving His life for, and to the care of, His sheep. It is Biblical to consider husbands leaders by this definition because Paul points back to this very example when instructing men to imitate Christ in their marriages. Paul reminds husbands that Jesus, “loved the Church and gave Himself for Her” (Eph. 5:25). Jesus initiated. Husbands are to imitate this with their own wives, accurately reflecting the union of Christ and the Church in their own redeemed marriages.
As believers, we love Him Who first loved us. The Church loves Jesus because He has already proven His complete care of us, even sacrificing Himself. He did not act in His own best interests but freely and fully submitted His own will to the will of the Father, even to the point of death. He is trustworthy. The Church does not submit to anyone but Christ, and this submission does not occur in a vacuum. This standard of “going first” in sacrifice is what Paul holds up for husbands. This is Biblical leadership.
Wives, in turn, also as disciples of Jesus, are commanded the same self-sacrifice, submitting their own desires to the best interests of their husbands. Men and women are held to an equal standard, who is Jesus Himself. The end result is each partner preferring the other above themselves, fulfilling the very principles of mutual love and submission that Paul emphasizes from the beginning. “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma” (Eph. 5: 1, 2). Walking in love toward people is imitating Jesus in His self-sacrifice. As our leader, Jesus went first. We are all, men and women, to follow Him.
Any doctrine that divorces submission from sacrificial love undermines Paul’s entire point, laid out in the verses immediately preceding his marital instructions to Ephesian wives. Before speaking to the wives, Paul tells the entire church assembly at Ephesus to submit to one another (Eph. 5:22). Within a congregation, women should be submitting to both other women and to men; men should be submitting to both other men and to women. This is simply each member preferring others in the Body above himself, looking out for the interests of others above his own. If we choose to redefine submission as “obedience to the boss,” this mutual submission within the Church becomes impossible. You cannot simultaneously be obedient to everyone in the Body. If everyone is the boss, no one is. Rather than appointing a boss figure – in either a congregation or a marriage – the Bible points to one Lord. We are all – male and female, married and unmarried – to be following one Master. It is in obedience to Jesus’ example that we freely submit to one another, serving and sacrificing for one another as He has first served and sacrificed for us.
A doctrine focused on a boss figure also completely misses Paul’s focus on unity, the overarching theme he emphasizes repeatedly throughout the Ephesian letter and studied in Post 6. Husbands and wives are to be one, consistent with God’s original design. This is the entire basis for their close care of one another. If one suffers, they both do. If one thrives, they both do. This is why Paul can say the husband, “who loves his wife, [actually] loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). If you are one with another person, of course loving them is loving yourself! They are part of you. In this way, the microcosm of human marriage is to reflect Jesus and His Bride. “For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'” (Eph. 5:30,31).
Woman was created to be man’s “helpmeet.”
This doctrine is fairly popular, presented in slightly different forms in different circles. There is even a book of similar title. The concept of helpmeet has already been thoroughly addressed in Post 1 of this series. No such word exists in either the original Hebrew text or in any English translations. The Hebrew text in Genesis actually paints a strikingly different picture than what many Christians who hold this belief are often comfortable with. More than anything else, this doctrine is a product of poor study on the part of those who perpetuate it. It is nothing more than a tradition of men.
Women are to be “keepers at home.”
This doctrine is typically defined in modern terms as “(ideal) mothers should not have a career,” or often even a job, outside the home. Some churches expand its application to also include married women without children in the home. Other churches include even unmarried women in the mandate. The strictest interpretation prefers that only boys prepare for a career in the workforce. Girls should forgo such secular preparation, including higher education, in favor of focusing on a life devoted entirely to the domestic arts. The general idea is that men are to take care of their families by being the financial provider while women are to take care of their families by staying at home in the role of full-time wife and mother.
The phrase, “keepers at home,” comes from the book of Titus. As we saw in Part 2, Paul’s letter to Titus was focused on refuting the traditions of men which were creeping into churches in Crete. After denouncing certain “idle talkers and deceivers” in chapter 1, Paul opens chapter 2 by telling Titus, “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1). And what are these things which are proper for sound doctrine? Paul outlines them next. These form the basis for appropriateness, maturity, and a good reputation among nonbelievers. Paul tells the older men and older women to be dignified, self-controlled, sober-minded, and temperate. He tells them to be stable, sound in the faith, patient, and active examples/teachers of what is good by God’s standards (Titus 2:2,3).
In these instructions Paul is specifically addressing “older men” and “older women,” or at least that is how the language is typically translated into English. The Greek word here for “older man” comes from the same word as presbuteros. Typically presbuteros is translated as “elder” in the New Testament. It literally means a mature man, one having seasoned judgment and who is qualified to teach by virtue of his wisdom and experience. While often used of men who are advanced in years, simply being older is not what truly qualifies someone. Rather, qualification is determined by maturity in the faith. Timothy is a New Testament example of a man whose wisdom and spiritual maturity qualified him to teach, even though his natural age was still quite young. Paul is speaking here to those who are mature in the faith, not necessarily just mature in years. The Greek word for “older women” in verse 2 is simply the feminine version of the same word used for older men. This emphasizes that both men and women are included in Paul’s instructions.
Paul outlines the expected behavior and responsibilities of the spiritually mature in the church. He says they are to instruct and be examples for the “younger” men and women. The Greek word here for “younger” is translated in some other passages as “new.” Paul is not installing some sort of generational order, in which elderly grandfathers and grandmothers are being told to teach young adults or adolescents. That isn’t a bad thing, but it isn’t Paul’s focus. No, Paul is talking to those men and women who have been following Jesus for some time, who have experienced trials, who have learned obedience and submission to the will of God through suffering, whose faith has been tested and proven genuine; and he is reminding them what the qualifications and demonstrated outcomes of true spiritual maturity are. The church of God is a family. These mature believers are to support and guide newer converts toward that same crucifixion of self, to emulate that same mature behavior. And the reason for all this? That everyone’s light might shine brighter and more souls might be saved! “That the word of God may not be blasphemed . . . that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things” (Titus 2:5,10).
There are many mothers whose heart is to stay home and raise their babies. This is a noble desire, an honorable pursuit, and a life well spent. It reflects God’s love of children, His priority on family, and the value He places on raising children up in righteousness. However, it is a complete twisting of this Titus passage to say that God universally confines all Christian women to domestic life only. And if God doesn’t require it, there is no room for us to do so. Outside of the general principles of godliness, Scripture does not tell either men or women what career or lifestyle to pursue. Instead, we are each to be led in real time by the Holy Spirit. Paul is no more telling women they must universally “stay at home” than he is telling bondservants in the very next verses they should all pursue staying in slavery. No! He is simply saying to reflect Christ no matter your circumstances or role in society. If you are a new believer who happens to be a bondservant or a slave – let your service reflect your Christianity. If you are a new believer who happens to be a young stay-at-home wife and mother – let your homemaking reflect your Christianity. If you are a new believer who happens to be a free young man making your way in the world – let your character in career and companionship reflect your Christianity. “Regardless, each one should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is what I prescribe in all the churches” (1 Cor. 7:17).
Women should be restricted from holding certain roles or positions within the church assembly.
Exactly what these restrictions should be is a matter of varied opinion among those who hold this doctrine. Some churches allow women to serve in nearly any public ministry position except lead pastor. At the other end of the spectrum are churches who don’t accept women in any speaking or leadership roles, including things like Sunday School teacher, small group leader, member of the worship team, and certainly not preacher. The strictest church cultures discourage women in the congregation from speaking up at all during service. Women don’t bring forward public prayer requests, offer public testimony, volunteer songs for the congregation to sing, make public announcements, etc. Instead, it is customary for the woman to have a male, like her husband, speak on her behalf.
The “silence” of women in public assembly has already been thoroughly addressed in Part 4 and Part 5.
An additional argument against women in public ministry points out that Jesus’ 12 disciples were all men, as were the major and minor prophets in the Old Testament. While true that Jesus’ core group of 12 disciples were all men, He did also have a larger group of 70 disciples, as well as an even larger group of at least 120. These included women. The Gospels all give accounts of different women who followed Jesus, were taught by Him, formally supported His ministry, and were even sent to witness to others about Him. The very first witness ever instructed to go tell others of the resurrection was a woman. The early apostles speak in various New Testament letters of fellow ministers and house church leaders who were female. Jesus’ 12 disciples were the very first called to full-time public evangelism and missionary work. All but John were eventually martyred for it. Just because men were the more practical choice for this difficult and dangerous job in a hostile ancient culture does not necessarily reflect some sort of universal, divine order.
It is unreasonable to discount human culture when studying any history. There have been, and still are, cultures which restrict women. Islam is a good example in the modern world. The limited public voice women have in strict Islamic nations means limited opportunity, increased danger, and limited reach even when they do step out to preach to men. Men preaching the gospel in those nations at least have greater initial freedom, even if ultimately their message isn’t any better received. It is a mistake to hold up the cultural norms of a fallen world – one still living under the curse of the Fall – as some sort of divine standard which God created, approves of, and wants to perpetuate post-Redemption.
Most of the same churches who use ancient cultural norms to outline roles for contemporary women do not use those norms to inform their stance on issues like slavery. It is a double standard to (correctly) count slavery as against God’s nature and interpret Paul’s instructions for slaves to obey their masters as an order for everyone to represent Christ well no matter their circumstances (rather than as a blanket blessing for a broken human system), yet simultaneously hold up the norms for men and women in that same broken system as somehow God’s perfect will for humanity.
This series has focused primarily on the negative effects these manmade traditions have on women. However, if husbands and wives are one, whatever error affects women equally affects men. They can’t be separated. These doctrines are therefore, ultimately, as damaging to men as they are to women. Both sexes can end up forced into boxes God did not prescribe. The effect is one of simultaneous outward limitation and inward self-indulgence. The commandments and doctrines of men, “indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh” (Col. 2:23).
God created marriage in the Garden of Eden. He structured the relationship on unity, not hierarchy. The curse of sin and death that fell on all creation broke that perfect structure. Our Redeemer came to free us from the curse. People’s relationship to God and their relationships to one another, including marriages, can be restored back to God’s original design through Jesus Christ. The writers of the New Testament all promote a redeemed marriage relationship built on the unity of God’s original standard.
Wives – you are to be one with your mate. You are the equal co-ruler that he needs; you were created out of man, not something separate. You are equipped by design to be his ezer; don’t be less! Live a life of loving self-sacrifice as the disciple of Jesus that you are. Respect your husband, accommodate him, give him a place of honor in your words and actions. Pursue unity of life and purpose with him. His joy, success, and well-being should be your priority in life, second only to your relationship with God, and placed above priorities of your own.
Husbands – you are to be one with your mate. She is the equal co-ruler and ezer necessary for you to thrive. You share the same substance; she is flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone. You fail or succeed together. Live a life of loving self-sacrifice as the disciple of Jesus that you are. Cherish your wife, accommodate her, give her priority in your life, and in all that you do consider her. Pursue unity of heart and mind with her. Her peace, happiness, and prosperity should be your priority in life, second only to your relationship with God, and placed above priorities of your own.
Jewish fables and the traditions of men encourage self-justification, elevating human standards of righteousness rather than God’s. They replace the sovereign person of God with a manmade, manageable, image. They promote idolatry. By undermining the Holy Spirit’s transformative work within us, these doctrines sabotage the very love and unity that Jesus said would define us as His Body on earth. Therefore, “Purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new unleavened batch, as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed” (1 Cor. 5:7).
